Anxious

So procrastination has finally struck me for the first time this year, not bad if you ask me (2 whole months of being on top of school work has worn me out). So now I'm sitting here staring at my blank take home exam, what's the point of these anyways? Does the Prof. not realize that you're going to google all the shit on there anyway or does he just not care. School seems to bore me right now, especially because I don't have any tests for a while.
I have this anxious feeling that is taking over me.
My heart is pounding louder than it should be, my mind is racing.
Weird part, I have no idea why.
I have no desire to do anything right now, not even sleep.
I'm very content with sitting up in my bed and staring at the Van Gough posters on my wall.
Sometimes, I stare out my window at night. I have no idea why I do, perhaps to remind me of one of the most vivid memory that has left a scar on my broken heart.
Sometimes I wonder if I could change things in the past would I have still done it? would I have come back? and the answer is yes, no matter how fucked up I am right now, and no matter how much I dont recognize the person in the mirror in front of me, I wouldn't change anything.
I need some liquor right now, enough to make me pass out and to stop the random thoughts from racing through my mind right now. I'm so sick and tired of thinking.
I took a lot of pictures this weekend, one of my personal favorites was a chick staring up at this rock she was about to climb, it seemed very motivational...i'll put it up sometime. The reason why I liked it, I desire to be that motivated about something, I want to be able to feel like Fuck yea I can do this! I almost felt like I should be that person staring up at this massive cliff that is supposed to represtent all the things that I have to overcome in the futre. But right now I'm fresh out of motivation, I need to let certain things out of my mind which I'm not ready to let out yet. I know nothing is going to be better until I do. But I'm afraid. Of what you may wonder? I have no idea, it's not like I have anything else to loose.
I'm stubborn, I'm unable to open up, I'm not me.