random

Life doesn't make sense right now. Everything is chaotic.
Whenever I give up on something, it comes right back to me.
I'm trying to go with the flow, I'm trying not to over think things, but seriously it's me I always over analyze shit.
I'm trying to focus on school, but none of that seems to be working out.
I did have a test today which I think I did well on (fingers crossed), at least I didn't sleep through this one.
So tonight at 10 I decided to go for a 2 hour run, the cold wind felt great, and the loud music made me feel better. Something about running and relieving stress, it's amazing how they go hand in hand.
Now I'm tired, still have work to do, but instead I'm going to sit here and listen to Hindi music because I'm a F.O.B. :)

The Game we Play

My life has become a toy
Which I allow you to play with
I am comfortable in your hands
The familiar feeling soothes me
Something we can’t control
Drawn to each other
We fight the urge
I try to resist
I wonder if this is how it was meant to be
If we have become a mindless game
In which the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

The night before

Everything is different this time around.
I've been counting down to this day, but I am not as excited as I thought I would be.
I'm not nervous, I'm no longer eager, Instead I feel this unknown emotion taking over me...I feel determined.
I'm no longer looking for the "college experience" or the endless nights of parties, instead I feel like I have something to prove to myself and my family this time around.
This is completely throwing me off, I thought that when this day finally came I would be the happiest person to leave the tri-cities, don't get me wrong I am happy to leave this place but at the same time there is this bitter feeling as well, a feeling I wasn't expecting at all. Weird.

Looking back, while moving forward.

The past couple of days have lead to a lot of looking back and trying to make sense of everything that has happened this year. In some ways I have grown more this year than I had in the 198 years before it. While it was happening, I hated it, I still do, but everything does happen for a reason, whether you choose to look for that reason is entirely up to you.
This year started off to be an amazing year, I was happier than I had ever been, but of course that came to a halting screech after a series of events. Which is fine, Shit happens, the good comes with the bad blah blah blah. It was funny the first times I went up the stairs of WSU Tri-cities, I remember it vividly, my dad was with me and it was a sunny summer afternoon, I hated it I refused to go in and I refused to go to that school, because I hate change...or at least at the time I thought I did. After a couple of months of going there, I wouldn't say I started "loving" it, but I got used to it, I made some kick ass fiends, that I hope to keep in touch with for the rest of my life. I established some relationships that helped me grow as a person, it was good for me especially because no body at WSU Tri-cities knew me from before, it was a fresh start, a start that gave my self confidence the boost that it needed. All in all the semester wasn't that bad, I kicked ass grade wise. I had 2 part time jobs, which is funny because now that I look back at my life at Western I realize how much I wasted time just goofing off, over here I've learned how to manage my time. You don't have to feel obligated to hang out with someone if your shit isn't done, because people who care about you understand your situation and are still there when you're ready...what a concept right?
Anyway, Wednesday was my last day at work at WSU Tri-cities, and after going to lunch with a friend, I went back to campus and my boss told me to sit down. I freaked out a little inside, thinking what the hell could I have possibly done wrong on my last day, come to find out that the office had decided to give me a suprise going away party. I was so touched, I seriously love everyone I worked with, because they have the perfect balance of maturity and humor. I will miss them. So on my last day as I was walking out of the campus, I couldn't help, but feel this bitter sweet feeling, I'm ACTUALLY going to miss that place, but at the same time I know it's time to get back to my life, and prove to myself that I can achieve all the things that I have achieved here up at Western. In a way this was a test of my strength, independence, and capabilities and it took me a while, but I can honestly say that I passed with flying colors.
I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm Scared, but I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be.
2009 is going to be a good year, It's going to be my year, I can just feel it. :D