These are some of the random sketches that I did at work. Mainly because I was bored.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sketches...I need a scanner
These are some of the random sketches that I did at work. Mainly because I was bored.
Good-bye my dear friend
As my insides blow apart,
I hold it all together,
Fake smile,
Like everything is fine.
Look inside,
And you will find
A soulless girl, laying there
Limp, motionless,
Tears rolling down her face
She says she doesn’t care,
She claims to not give a fuck.
But in reality she’s torn apart.
Without anyone left to trust.
People in and out of her life,
At their own convenience
This can’t be healthy she thinks.
But I miss them as well.
I miss laughing all night,
I miss the comfort of knowing you were always there.
She recalls the one time she needed her best friend,
Her best friend had left her stranded,
Alone and abandoned
I missed you for while,
I still do sometimes.
Now you want back in,
But I am too dead inside to care.
I’ve spent too many tears for your absence
For the void you left behind
I wish it didn’t happen like this,
But the truth is that it did,
And all I have left to say is
“Good-bye my dear friend,
I once held you close to my heart.
There is no more room for you there,
So I think it’s the time for us to part.”
I hold it all together,
Fake smile,
Like everything is fine.
Look inside,
And you will find
A soulless girl, laying there
Limp, motionless,
Tears rolling down her face
She says she doesn’t care,
She claims to not give a fuck.
But in reality she’s torn apart.
Without anyone left to trust.
People in and out of her life,
At their own convenience
This can’t be healthy she thinks.
But I miss them as well.
I miss laughing all night,
I miss the comfort of knowing you were always there.
She recalls the one time she needed her best friend,
Her best friend had left her stranded,
Alone and abandoned
I missed you for while,
I still do sometimes.
Now you want back in,
But I am too dead inside to care.
I’ve spent too many tears for your absence
For the void you left behind
I wish it didn’t happen like this,
But the truth is that it did,
And all I have left to say is
“Good-bye my dear friend,
I once held you close to my heart.
There is no more room for you there,
So I think it’s the time for us to part.”
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I finally let it go...
Today was a very random day, for multiple reasons.
I decided I was too worn out to go work out today, so instead I had a huge bowl of ice cream, with chocolate syrup, and sprinkles...because I can.
For the past two days, whenever I get up I have this lost feeling, I almost wish I would stop dreaming because they are pointless and lately they have just been creeping me out. Some people say they wish they never remember their dreams, I wish I was one of them.
While I was studying, my dad walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, this alone was weird enough because my dad never really comes into my room. He just laid there and eventually I broke the silence and asked him if everything was alright? He looked at me with this sad look in his eyes, I noticed that how much he had aged in the past year from his gray hair to the wrinkles on his face. He simply stated that he was lonely, which caught me completely off guard because loneliness is an emotion I didn't even know my dad could experience. For the first time in 6 months I wanted to give my dad a hug because I loved him, we've had a pretty rocky relationship lately but before that I had always been my dad's little girl. He's changed, he's no longer as strong as he used to be, he's starting to become that cute little old man which is weird to me. At that very moment I realized that my dad doesn't have the group of friends he's had his whole life in India , he was very social, he gave all that up for us (me and my brother) and although he has had unrealistic expectations that I refuse to live up to, I still love him.
So today for the first time in months I hugged my dad because I felt like it, I got a little teary eyed, and although neither of us said it, I think we both realized that no matter what happens in the coming years, we will always love each other no matter what.
I decided I was too worn out to go work out today, so instead I had a huge bowl of ice cream, with chocolate syrup, and sprinkles...because I can.
For the past two days, whenever I get up I have this lost feeling, I almost wish I would stop dreaming because they are pointless and lately they have just been creeping me out. Some people say they wish they never remember their dreams, I wish I was one of them.
While I was studying, my dad walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, this alone was weird enough because my dad never really comes into my room. He just laid there and eventually I broke the silence and asked him if everything was alright? He looked at me with this sad look in his eyes, I noticed that how much he had aged in the past year from his gray hair to the wrinkles on his face. He simply stated that he was lonely, which caught me completely off guard because loneliness is an emotion I didn't even know my dad could experience. For the first time in 6 months I wanted to give my dad a hug because I loved him, we've had a pretty rocky relationship lately but before that I had always been my dad's little girl. He's changed, he's no longer as strong as he used to be, he's starting to become that cute little old man which is weird to me. At that very moment I realized that my dad doesn't have the group of friends he's had his whole life in India , he was very social, he gave all that up for us (me and my brother) and although he has had unrealistic expectations that I refuse to live up to, I still love him.
So today for the first time in months I hugged my dad because I felt like it, I got a little teary eyed, and although neither of us said it, I think we both realized that no matter what happens in the coming years, we will always love each other no matter what.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Random encounter with a stranger...
So I met this guy today, when I decided to skip geology and go have coffee with a friend. He was very intriguing, we argued for 3 hours straight, not angry arguing. He made me feel somewhat nervous, mainly because of how blunt he was, it was kind of refreshing to meet someone who just spits out whatever is on their mind. And though I still don't know much about this guy, he made me realize a lot of things about myself unintentionally.
Funny how sometimes strangers help us realize more about ourselves than our family or best friends ever can.
I like meeting new people. The end.
Funny how sometimes strangers help us realize more about ourselves than our family or best friends ever can.
I like meeting new people. The end.
The Boredom of Art History overwhelms me...
I'm sitting in class, listening to my Art History prof. ramble on about Roman art something about Apotheosis or some shit like that, and I wish I was drugged up right now so that I could more efficiently tune him out. I don't even know why I bother coming to this class, perhaps its because it is my time to catch up on my internet surfing.
I read this piece of writing written by Søren Kierkegaard, some Danish philosopher from the 1800s and it made no sense to me and left me beyond confused, perhaps because he kept on referring to Abraham and Issac from the Bible and I have yet to read the bible, so i was left cross eyed and wanting to shoot myself after reading 10 pages of this article, its called Fear and Trembelling, just incase you're interested.
I have yet to find a holiday job, I really want one. I have yet to get an iPhone, I really want one. see a connection there? hehe
I feel like everyone around me is sick, hopefully I don't get sick because that would suck ballsacs.
This is a random blog, but oh well I fucking bored, maybe I'll pay attention now.
I read this piece of writing written by Søren Kierkegaard, some Danish philosopher from the 1800s and it made no sense to me and left me beyond confused, perhaps because he kept on referring to Abraham and Issac from the Bible and I have yet to read the bible, so i was left cross eyed and wanting to shoot myself after reading 10 pages of this article, its called Fear and Trembelling, just incase you're interested.
I have yet to find a holiday job, I really want one. I have yet to get an iPhone, I really want one. see a connection there? hehe
I feel like everyone around me is sick, hopefully I don't get sick because that would suck ballsacs.
This is a random blog, but oh well I fucking bored, maybe I'll pay attention now.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Anxious
So procrastination has finally struck me for the first time this year, not bad if you ask me (2 whole months of being on top of school work has worn me out). So now I'm sitting here staring at my blank take home exam, what's the point of these anyways? Does the Prof. not realize that you're going to google all the shit on there anyway or does he just not care. School seems to bore me right now, especially because I don't have any tests for a while.
I have this anxious feeling that is taking over me.
My heart is pounding louder than it should be, my mind is racing.
Weird part, I have no idea why.
I have no desire to do anything right now, not even sleep.
I'm very content with sitting up in my bed and staring at the Van Gough posters on my wall.
Sometimes, I stare out my window at night. I have no idea why I do, perhaps to remind me of one of the most vivid memory that has left a scar on my broken heart.
Sometimes I wonder if I could change things in the past would I have still done it? would I have come back? and the answer is yes, no matter how fucked up I am right now, and no matter how much I dont recognize the person in the mirror in front of me, I wouldn't change anything.
I need some liquor right now, enough to make me pass out and to stop the random thoughts from racing through my mind right now. I'm so sick and tired of thinking.
I took a lot of pictures this weekend, one of my personal favorites was a chick staring up at this rock she was about to climb, it seemed very motivational...i'll put it up sometime. The reason why I liked it, I desire to be that motivated about something, I want to be able to feel like Fuck yea I can do this! I almost felt like I should be that person staring up at this massive cliff that is supposed to represtent all the things that I have to overcome in the futre. But right now I'm fresh out of motivation, I need to let certain things out of my mind which I'm not ready to let out yet. I know nothing is going to be better until I do. But I'm afraid. Of what you may wonder? I have no idea, it's not like I have anything else to loose.
I'm stubborn, I'm unable to open up, I'm not me.
I have this anxious feeling that is taking over me.
My heart is pounding louder than it should be, my mind is racing.
Weird part, I have no idea why.
I have no desire to do anything right now, not even sleep.
I'm very content with sitting up in my bed and staring at the Van Gough posters on my wall.
Sometimes, I stare out my window at night. I have no idea why I do, perhaps to remind me of one of the most vivid memory that has left a scar on my broken heart.
Sometimes I wonder if I could change things in the past would I have still done it? would I have come back? and the answer is yes, no matter how fucked up I am right now, and no matter how much I dont recognize the person in the mirror in front of me, I wouldn't change anything.
I need some liquor right now, enough to make me pass out and to stop the random thoughts from racing through my mind right now. I'm so sick and tired of thinking.
I took a lot of pictures this weekend, one of my personal favorites was a chick staring up at this rock she was about to climb, it seemed very motivational...i'll put it up sometime. The reason why I liked it, I desire to be that motivated about something, I want to be able to feel like Fuck yea I can do this! I almost felt like I should be that person staring up at this massive cliff that is supposed to represtent all the things that I have to overcome in the futre. But right now I'm fresh out of motivation, I need to let certain things out of my mind which I'm not ready to let out yet. I know nothing is going to be better until I do. But I'm afraid. Of what you may wonder? I have no idea, it's not like I have anything else to loose.
I'm stubborn, I'm unable to open up, I'm not me.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Expectations
So I got my camera today, and I was stoked! I didn't get to explore too much with it because I had a lot of reading to catch up on due to the freakish amounts of tests I had this week, but Im going exploring this weekend and hope to put my camera to good use.
So today I was watching Grey's after I got back from the gym (my new healthy addiction) and Lizzie said something that struck a cord, she said something along the lines of we shouldn't blame ourselves for everything, and we shouldn't expect anything from other people because when we start to expect things from other people we are just building ourselves up for disappointment. I know everyone has heard this before, but it was the first time it actually held some sort of personal meaning to me.
Why do we expect things from others? Is it because we start to trust and care about the person? If we had no expectations from others we wouldn't depend on others therefore be entirely selfsufficient, but is that even possible? Doesn't everybody crave somesort of human contact at some point or another, even if it is something as simple as a one night stand, we expect that person to not tell anyone if that is what we want, or to tell you if they have some sort of STD prior to sex so that you don't become effected, isn't that the right thing to do? Therefore, it is really even possible to not have any sort of expectations from anyone?
Perhaps this is the brutal part of growing up when you learn who to trust and who to avoid, which isn't as simple as it seems especially if you're someone like me who trusts people very easily. I mean it's not like they are wearing a sign around their neck that says "Don't trust me, I will screw you over." I guess I'm an optamist when it comes to meeting new peopel I like to believe that there are still some good people out there and I refuse to have a negative attitude about our society, no matter how fucked up it is, and no matter how many times I've been cheated by it.
I will go on expecting the best from people, and in some cases I probably am setting myself for disappointment, but you know what the good comes with the bad. We have to learn how do deal with every situation, and every fucked up person we meet in our life, because in some twisted cynic way it is makes us stronger. Maybe I'm just expecting too much or being immature, but I don't think I can handle having a negative attitiude anymore, it's hard to be mad, disappointed, and hateful towards the world, and I'm exhauseted. Besides who said that in order to grow up you must have a "realistic" perpective on things, sometimes reality is over rated, and it's okay to be just a be optimistic and expect the best in people.
So today I was watching Grey's after I got back from the gym (my new healthy addiction) and Lizzie said something that struck a cord, she said something along the lines of we shouldn't blame ourselves for everything, and we shouldn't expect anything from other people because when we start to expect things from other people we are just building ourselves up for disappointment. I know everyone has heard this before, but it was the first time it actually held some sort of personal meaning to me.
Why do we expect things from others? Is it because we start to trust and care about the person? If we had no expectations from others we wouldn't depend on others therefore be entirely selfsufficient, but is that even possible? Doesn't everybody crave somesort of human contact at some point or another, even if it is something as simple as a one night stand, we expect that person to not tell anyone if that is what we want, or to tell you if they have some sort of STD prior to sex so that you don't become effected, isn't that the right thing to do? Therefore, it is really even possible to not have any sort of expectations from anyone?
Perhaps this is the brutal part of growing up when you learn who to trust and who to avoid, which isn't as simple as it seems especially if you're someone like me who trusts people very easily. I mean it's not like they are wearing a sign around their neck that says "Don't trust me, I will screw you over." I guess I'm an optamist when it comes to meeting new peopel I like to believe that there are still some good people out there and I refuse to have a negative attitude about our society, no matter how fucked up it is, and no matter how many times I've been cheated by it.
I will go on expecting the best from people, and in some cases I probably am setting myself for disappointment, but you know what the good comes with the bad. We have to learn how do deal with every situation, and every fucked up person we meet in our life, because in some twisted cynic way it is makes us stronger. Maybe I'm just expecting too much or being immature, but I don't think I can handle having a negative attitiude anymore, it's hard to be mad, disappointed, and hateful towards the world, and I'm exhauseted. Besides who said that in order to grow up you must have a "realistic" perpective on things, sometimes reality is over rated, and it's okay to be just a be optimistic and expect the best in people.
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